The Rapacious Idiot and Other Tall-Tales About Men

It's not surprising that the feminist movement of the 70s and 80s felt compelled to tear men down. They were--and to some extent still are--an oppressed group, and the only way for them to have a chance at change was to expose the oppressors' fallibility. And let's face it, a lot of men got away with a lot of crap in history because it was considered socially acceptable to treat women--and a lot of other minorities--as second-class citizens. I understand this, but I worry that our perception of men hasn't shifted back to the middle. Instead a stereotype was galvanized. One that is not only false, but a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oprah recently had a round table discussion on her show about sex addiction. It's a hot topic with the Duchovny rehab and the film adaptation of Palahniuk's Choke out in theatres. What was shocking about the show was what a few of the guests said when Oprah tried to define the line between sex addiction and general promiscuity. In reference to men having an over indulgent amount of sex, one female guest asked, isn't that normal male behavior? (It's funny to me how miserably the statement implied here fails a simple test of logic. If women aren't the one's having all these casual flings--the point being insinuated--who are all these hetero men sleeping with?)

It was partially a joke, but not entirely. To her credit, Oprah pointed out it was exactly that kind of thinking that makes it hard to treat and be socially aware of sexual addiction because it refuses to acknowledge the difference between being sexually active and being controlled by biological urges.

Some of her guests were resistant to this statement, and why wouldn't they be? It's been a pop cultural fact for the past three decades that men are nothing more than over-glorified cavemen. In his blog entry "Why men should care about gender stereotypes" Alex Gibson says:

"The idea of men as stupid and sex-obsessed is an enduring generalisation that is allowed to flourish in - dare I say it - a much more brazen way than the stereotypes about women... The problem is, while women are encouraged to reject the ludicrous ideas that are held about them, men are supposed to embrace them."

Gibson is right in pointing out what's perhaps the saddest and most dangerous aspect of this situation: that men have not only come to accept and agree with our stereotypical image, but perpetuate it. "Male culture - the kind promoted by FHM, Nuts, tabloid newspapers and the like - abhors debate on anything remotely intelligent," Gibson continues. "Men are hemmed in on two fronts: by the stereotypes the media pins on them and the pervading culture they have created for themselves that leads to such stereotypes in the first place."

I'm willing to admit that men think about sex more often, and certainly talk about it in cruder and more aggressive terms, but hasn't the hallmark of our species always been the ability--for better or worse--to override our instinctual drives? The idea that men can't control their urges wasn't started by the feminist movement--there was a time in history, and it's still happening in some countries, when fault was placed on the victims of rape--they just turned the idea around and used it against their oppressors. A sound tactic, but instead of demanding more accountability from men it has strengthened an excuse used to hold men to a lowered standard. Why should our young men strive to be intelligent, emotionally competent, and sexually restrained if no one expects any better of them?

Psychological studies reported by PhysOrg about what men consider most important in their lives contradict these stereotypes: men rate familial happiness and health as more important than being perceived as attractive or sexually active, but I worry if these results would hold true for the 18-26 year-old crowd. Tom Dokoupil's "Why I'm Leaving Guyland" makes the case that more and more American males are turning into beer-guzzling Peter Pans. Not because they're necessarily happier--studies indicate that committed men are far happier than their single counterparts--but because movies and ads "make delayed adulthood seem like a lark—roguish, fun and, most of all, normal."

Marketing firms know that singles are more likely to spend money on non-essential items. It's why ad campaigns not only spend so much effort convincing you that their product will make you more attractive to other people, but paradoxically ensuring you that the single life is best. Companies catering to men and women 18-26 want you to buy their product, and I'm sure they'll be happy if you get laid, but the last thing they want is for you to actually settle down because then their product is redundant.

In an interview for Inside Higher Ed, Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland, says that since "colleges have backed away from the old 'in loco parentis'... young people increasingly define themselves through media images and peer groups..."

"The 'Guy Code' to which men are pressured to conform," he says, "is defiantly anti-PC, dismissively anti-intellectual, and derisively sexist." Instead of seeing through the marketing ploys and stereotypes that label us as testosterone ruled Peter Pans, young men are spreading them like a new gospel. The price is an increase in group-think, emotional immaturity, and a general sense of alienation (Dokoupil).

The feminist movement thrust the men of this nation into an existential crisis, forcing us to examine what it means, in today's world, to be a man. For many, what should have been a much needed eye-opener has resulted in a regressive entrenchment in the worst of what defines us as men. They're turning the sex-crazed, emotionally retarded man of myth into a reality.

Cutting Edge

I recently received word of another publication acceptance. "YellowSky" will appear in Edge, the literary journal of The Lake Tahoe Writing Club. I believe the issue will be out early 2009, but I'll put up more details as I get them.

This is the fifth story from my novel-in-stories to be accepted for publication, the fourth just this year. So for anyone like me, whose gotten more rejection letters than I can count, keep plugging away. Cause out of nowhere fortune can just fall right in your lap.

Okay, two contributor's copies may not be a fortune, but you know what I mean...